RUN
Welcome to the Primary Coffee HotPad.
Lay the new iPad on a flat surface and press Run to overclock your processor. When 100% is reached, place your coffee mug on the digital heat coils to keep it warm for hours and hours.

(HotPad will not break, melt, or otherwise destroy your iPad. No promises on what the coffee does to it, though.)

Last login: Thu Oct 23 05:59:12 on console
HotPad:~ root$ _